“Welcome to the psychiatric hotline.”
If you are obsessive compulsive, please press one repeatedly.
If you are co-dependant, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid/delusional, we know who you are, what you want, just stay on the line so that we can trace your call.
If you are a schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press…no one will answer anyways.